Mom Talk #13: You Marry the Family, too

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for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

Dearest Children of Mine,

I talked about looking for more than external beauty when considering a mate in }this{ post, addressed the necessity of being able to work with the person you spend the rest of your life with }here{, and I have one more word of advice the subject of considering a mate.

You marry the family, too.

The conventional and most obvious sense of marrying the family, too, is that the family of your potential mate will be in your life forever, which is true.  The family of your future wife or husband influences them deeply, and in that regard, the extended family is ever present in every marriage.

Here are three things to consider about a potential mate's family:

Does their family hold a growing relationship with Christ to be vital?

Predicting who that person you walk down the aisle with will turn into is impossible.  Your greatest assurance that the two of you are on the same road, and that it is a road that will lead to increased love, and joy, and peace, and goodness is to ensure that they also share a faith in Christ, a belief in God's purpose for their life, and conviction of His positive intent toward them.  Family influence over spiritual life will either support or detract from a lifetime of spiritual growth.  Does their family hold a growing relationship with Christ to be vital?

What is their family's stance on staying married?

Because you believe that marriage is a commitment for life, you need to know ... that you know ... that you know that the person you marry is also committed to marriage for a lifetime.  Marriage for a lifetime means two committed individuals who want to have a GREAT marriage and a great family that does great things.  Personal determination for commitment to a great marriage begins to a large extent in the family, thus not only do you need to know what your potential husband or wife believes about staying married, you also need to know what their family believes.  The family, in all its influence, will either support or detract from a desire for a great and lasting marriage.  What is their family's stance on staying married?

Does their family strive for success?

All good things come from success.  Consider whether or not the family of a potential husband or wife puts a priority on excellence.  Is there a drive for success, or is there neutrality - just waiting to see if things work out?  You want your future husband or wife to have a philosophy of life that will keep them constantly learning and improving, and a significant part of this is instilled in them initially by their family.  Does their family strive for success?


There are exceptions to every rule, and people do overcome family backgrounds that don't support a faith in Christ, staying married, or striving for success.   Understanding how your spouse is  influenced by their family in these critical areas can help you work together to build a strong and happy marriage.

Tomorrow, let's talk about generosity in relationships.

for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

thanks for reading!