Arising to Call You Blessed

It seems like every conversation I have with other moms these days eventually turns

 toward one serious, sobering question:  

am I getting this mother thing right? 

Mother and Child, by Pino Daeni - (image source)

Maybe it's the end of the school year exerting its exponential pressure.

Maybe it's facing the people we used to call children, 

knowing that our time of 24 hour influence on them is coming to a close.

Maybe it's that time of freefalling parental limbo between adolescence and mature adulthood,

the time between training a child in the way they should go and the not departing from it.

Maybe it's just having a moment to come up for air and take a look around,

only to see that we're doing it completely different than all the other moms.

We all know what happens in those moments when the last straw breaks.

When we discover the pile of dirty clothes in the closet reaching to the sky like the Tower of Babel.

When we find they've completed the test but failed to answer the essay questions yet again.

When the carefully worded and meticulously detailed instructions we gave weren't followed - at all.

When they forget to call when they get there and don't answer our texts and we worry, 

and then we get mad.

Sometimes it seems parenting is more about grinding the rough edges off our own selves
than teaching and exhorting.

Those last straw moments fill our hearts with doubt,
but they take up far more space in our motherhearts than they should.
Of course God uses our strengths in the lives of our children ... 

but He uses our weaknesses, too.   

Our strengths shore our children up where they need it,

and our weaknesses call them into their own strengths.

God gave your children the mother they need, and it's you.

Of course it isn't news to you that the task of motherhood is a colossal task.  

Impossible, maybe even.  

But God's grace fills in where we fall short.
You can relax in that.

And you know what? 

This colossal task called motherhood that you're doing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?  

You're doing an awesome, amazing thing, and you're doing a fantastic job of it.

Most importantly,
you're exactly the mother your child needs you to be.  

How do I know that?  

Because God picked you especially for them,

and they are blessed.

Happy Mother's Day!

The Gift that Changes the World

(image source)

I was a teenager when the miracle of CableVision came to town.  If you were willing to pay, you could have more than the standard three (free) channels on TV.  You could have movie channels.

In the beginning, it seems like Cable TV was marketed primarily by door to door salesmen.  One afternoon I answered the door to a young man ready to set my family up with CABLE TV.  I was starry eyed at the idea of movies movies movies.  And okay, I was a teenage girl - I thought he was cute.  He expertly explained how easily this miracle could happen.  Yes!  It was possible!  He was professional.  He was confident.  He was ready to close the deal.

Then my Dad entered the room.  My Dad (you know, the one who pays the bills?) was having none of it. Cable TV was foolishness and a waste of time and money in his book.  Over the course of about 30 seconds, I watched the salesman go from polished professional to dorky highschool kid wearing jeans and a t-shirt, and yes, it's true ... a hat made out of beer cans that had been crocheted together.

I think I remember this day so vividly because of the astounding transition I witnessed. The boy went from hotshot salesman to wet dishrag and left with far less spring in his step than when he arrived on our door. I felt sorry for him.  What made that happen?

I think it was the Gift of Sight.

I saw the boy as a legitimate professional, offering a valuable service that I wanted.  My Dad saw him as a punky, full of himself kid.  Maybe my Dad and I were both right.  

Except for the professional part - because what professional in their right mind wears a hat made out of beer cans when they're on the job?  And what kind of Grandma crochets beer can hats?  But ... I digress.  

I was willing to see the young man the way he wanted to be seen: professional, confident and polished - and so he was.  That's the Gift of Sight.

My Dad saw the young man as someone bothering him in the privacy of his own home, trying to sell him something he didn't want.  And so ... after a brief moment of being flustered and trying but failing to hold on to the person he wanted to be ... he lost it.

When my kids were little and we encountered people in public who weren't on their best behavior, I taught my children to give people their privacy by looking away.  Sometimes that's the best you can do for the child throwing a public tantrum or the angry customer giving the salesclerk a piece of their mind.

But sometimes, when they're not at their best, people need the Gift of Sight.  Sometimes they need someone to see them with eyes of grace, that see them for who they're meant to be and that see them as their best anyway.

I watched my son handle placing a pizza order last weekend with the Gift of Sight.  The girl who answered the phone was super awkward and stilted, but my son talked to her with considerable charm as if she were the best order taker on the planet.  By the end of the phone call, she had loosened up and was putting some effort into being personable, right down to saying, "Have a um, merry um ... uh ... new year!"  :o)

The Gift of Sight can also come to you indirectly.  I grew up in a relatively small town, and if people didn't know you personally, they probably knew who you were, or who your parents were.  As a kid, this was occasionally inconvenient.  But experienced as an adult, I felt the hugely positive effect.  People knew my parents, and they were dearly loved for good reason.  I felt blessedproud for my family and my mom and dad, and it made me want to be good.  Not good as in not-naughty ... good as in fine and upstanding. Looking at me through the lens of my family, people gave me the Gift of Sight, and that made me want to reach for their high opinion of me.

Every morning we get up intending to be our best self.  Some days we come close to it.  Some days ... well, some days are just days.  But our best self is in there just the same.  The cherished child of God, the one created to be exceptional and worthy and loveable and good, is in there just the same.  It's the people that have the grace to see our best self - sometimes in spite of our selves - who help us return to it when we've lost it.  They call us back to our God-breathed uniqueness and our God-inspired greatness.

This year I'm going to change the world by giving the Gift of Sight.  Grace, offered most especially in those moments when we're not at our best ... that's a gift that changes the world.

(image source)

And God said ...

On the best days, I have many several a few good ideas and inspiration 

in the morning before things really get rolling.  

And even on the best days, before 9:00, most of those things

have been toppled over, left behind and forgotten on the roadside of life 

because life is moving at the speed of ... well, life.  

This is one of those best days ... one of those days when God leads you to His word and says,

 "This.  

Read this.  

You need to hear me say this."

 And it is so relevant, so personal, so applicable, so right now 

that it's like a stop motion film ... 

I'm in the matrix, and the bullets are whizzing by, 

but I'm standing still and I can  

c a t c h   t h e m. 

I want to take hold of and hang onto His voice, 

embed in my heart the very direct things He tells me.  

So I'm writing them here, so I won't forget today, 

and so I'm accountable to this truth today.  

I'm not leaving this one behind, 

and guess what ... I think you may need to hear it too:

For everything God created is good

1 Timothy 4:4

Are you created?  

Then God is talking to you.  

No matter what someone else may be telling you, 

no matter what you may be believing about yourself ... 

God, your creator, says this

... about you ... 

You're good!  

Didn't say perfect.  Didn't say without fault.  

The being you were created to be, in which God your creator delights ...

you are good.

I hope that brings you joy today :o)

31 Days of Seeking Joy in the EveryDay: Joys Longing to be Ours

This is one of my favorite things:

A college ruled 5 subject spiral notebook.

I use them for journals, and I use them for to-do lists and notes in general.  

I can’t deny that a brand new spiral makes me more than a little giddy :o)    

Last week I flipped through the nearest spiral  

to find a blank piece of paper and I encountered a stranger.

Well, not a complete stranger. 

It was me  … Past Me.  

The me from May.  

She was a little hard to recognize because she was all dressed up in wisdom.   

Sometimes I have to laugh a little at Past Me’s … 

they can tend to take themselves too seriously and be a little grandiose.   

I don’t remember exactly what happened in May that prompted these deep thoughts.  

There were some significant, life changing events that made the summer poignant and important.  

I’m glad this Past Me was there to set the tone … 

and I’m glad the Past Me from May wrote her thoughts down so I could revisit her wisdom in October.  

I needed it.

Here’s what Past Me said on the principle of being present, 

in that everything in the right here and right now, 

uninfluenced by anything past or anything future, 

is  j u s t  f i n e:

The present is perfectly acceptable ...

Often wholly good ...

 Often very, very good.

It’s the pollution of the past ... experiences, disappointments, situations, events, hurts, heartbreaks ... 

that muddy the circumstances of the present.

This concept of living in the moment, 

and in this very moment ONLY ...

it frees you from everything.  

It opens you to all the goodness and joy of the present.  

It’s the things that we drag forward out of the past  
– memories, responses, reactions, expectations, interpretations – 
that ruin the present.  

They obscure it.  

They veil it.  

They distract us from it.

This principle applies to relationships, too, and it’s necessary to really love unconditionally.  

You have to let go the memories of conflict, offense, hurt ... to genuinely appreciate another person.  
To respond in the present free of the past is to invest grace in the relationship. 

To relate to another person in the right here and right now frees them to be their best self.  

To truly look at another person as ... new ... to truly relate to them in the now,

 rather than following in the ruts of the past is to free yourself to love fully and drink deeply.  

It’s to set each other free from mistakes, offenses, hurts. 

It’s to love in the here and now, and to live in the here and now. 

To relate in the right here and right now is to free yourself to revel in the moment.  

To enjoy and savor it.  

To experience everything as a child, without preconceived notions and expectations – 

makes everything new.  

It makes everything a miracle!

It opens up your eyes to appreciate, to be grateful, to walk into a room and see it as new.  

To truly look at the world around you rather than dwell in the forest of the mind 

is to free yourself to live fully in, and drink deeply of the present.

It was good to be reminded of all that, and to try and learn it again.  

Take a look around ... try to see your world as though you’ve never seen it before.  

Try to see your loved ones as though they’ve never hurt you before.   

I hope you see a world that’s bursting with goodness, 

and I hope today that your heart is filled with joy.

Because this moment right now?  

It is 

very, 

very good.

“There are joys which long to be ours. 

God sends ten thousands truths, which come about us like birds seeking inlet; 

but we are shut up to them, and so they bring us nothing, 

but sit and sing awhile upon the roof, and then fly away.” ― Henry Ward Beecher

31 Days of Seeking Joy in the EveryDay: Grace Rehearsal

One of the things LtDan and I learned in pre-marital counseling 

is that you shouldn't rehearse offenses against each other.  

Meaning, when the other person has offended you, 

you mustn't let yourself rehearse it, 

over and over again, 

in your mind.  

If that's a good idea, then the reverse is true as well ...

we should rehearse the good things.  

Remember how it felt the day your homework assignment was due ... and you didn't have it? 

The shy blond 4th grader couldn't explain why he didn't have his writing assignment.  

Something about having started it ... but then ... ummmm ...

guilty silence.  

Big blue eyes.  

Blink. 

Blink.  

Blink.  

I told him whatever it was, it was okay, I just needed to know.

Relief.  

No.

He didn't have his homework.  He hadn't done it.  

I talked to his mom.  Of course there was much more to the story, 

and, because her son is paying attention and participating in class, 

I told her we could waive the assignment.  

She was grateful and appreciative.  

All day I kept thinking about those big blue eyes. 

Guilty.  

Caught.  

Embarassed.  

And I kept thinking what a pleasure it was to extend the grace that brought relief.
I was happy just thinking about it.
All day long, it was like singing a joyful song in my heart.

I can't think of grace without thinking of the author and perfecter of all grace.  

It must feel so good to God when we remember with Him the grace He extends,

when we rehearse it.

Really, when we stand before God,
we're all like 4th graders who knew we should do our homework but didn't.
God forgives us anyway,
because our big brother named Jesus did the homework for us.

Grace.

It's a rehearsal of joy.

“Happiness isn’t the reward we retrieve after a long struggle. 

It arrives daily, in those clear moments when our hearts are tender, 

pricked by the embrace of a loved one, the beauty of a single flower, 

the majesty of the world in which we are central. 

Look over your shoulder at how far you’ve come and

 all the good things you’ve experienced

 and that is when you will see the smiling face of happiness.” 

― Toni Sorenson

Grace ... it works for me!

Welcome to Day 5 of the 31 Days series It Works for Me!

Somewhere, sometime, I heard some wise one say, 

"I've learned I'm a whole lot happier if I just assume that everyone's doing the best that they can do."  

 Of course I'm not talking about assuming your son did the best he could when he was assigned to clean the bathroom and neglected to wipe the toothpaste off the sink.  

Clearly, there are times when not-their-best needs to be addressed, particularly in our children.

I'm talking more about those things that can hurt your feelings.  Or make you angry.  Or offend.

The other person gets a free pass.  

So what's in it for you?  

First, so very often, your grace compels people to do better.  That's good for you, right?  

Second, if you decide to give grace now, and assume that people are doing the best they can ... 

well, you're avoiding the pain of a heart darkened with anger.  

Grace just feels better.

Often you don't know what the other person has been through.  Chuck Swindoll gives a poignant example of this.  He tells the story of a man riding the subway home after a hard day at work. 

In the subway car were several children and their father, 

who was completely ignoring the loud and rambunctious behavior of his children.  

Finally, the man said to the father, "excuse me, your children are really bothering people on this subway car - could you please get them under control?"  

The father looked at him tiredly.  "Oh," he said, "I'm terribly sorry.  Their mother has been very sick, and she died today.  We've just come from saying our last good-bye to her at the hospital."

The moral of the story is that you just never know.  

You just 

never 

know. 

(image source)

We're all broken inside.  And the wonderful thing about giving grace 

- maybe most especially when it's not deserved - 

is that it can wash back over you and heal some of your own brokenness.  

Grace ... it works for me.