Mom Talk #5: It Takes So Little to be Above Average

Thank you for coming by!

for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

Dearest Children of Mine,

In Mom Talk #4, I told you the hard truth that there's no easy button.  Today, I have some good news for you about being more than just average.

Years ago I happened on a book your Grandmother was reading, called "It Takes so Little to be Above Average", by Florence Littauer.  It was an uplifting book with a thought provoking title that defined just how very simple it is to be above average.  For real.  It doesn't take much.  Here are a few suggestions for you as you step out of adolescence into adulthood that will set you apart.

Introduce Yourself Well

Look the person in the eyes, extend your hand with confidence, and shake hands with a firm grip. Say with enthusiasm, "Hello!  It's a pleasure to meet you!  My name is Above Average!" 

Look Nice

Your clothes should be clean and unwrinkled, and whatever you are wearing should be appropriate to the occasion.  Like it or not, people judge you according to your attire.  

Contribute to the Work

When there's work to be done, make sure you step forward, not backward.  Put your hands on the work.  

Find the Person Who Needs You

There's someone out there who needs a friend where ever you go.  Just take a minute to look around and make sure there's no one sitting awkwardly in the corner wishing for someone to talk to.  

Be Courteous

Use your manners.  Be polite.  Say ma'am and sir.  Let other people go first.  

See what I mean?  SO LITTLE to be above average.  Tomorrow, I have a few words about the most powerful thing in your world.     

for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

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Mom Talk #4: Get Over It

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Dearest Children of Mine,

Mom Talk #3 was about that moment when you turn into an adult.  Here, for those times in life when you face doing a thing that is difficult, or tedious, or meticulously, ridiculously complex, I would like to tell you a truth that will make things so much easier.

Sometimes, there's just no easy button.

I have to re-learn this lesson every year when it's time to prepare income taxes.  Or help someone get their Drivers License and negotiate the infamous DMV.  Perhaps Algebra word problems come to your mind.

Some things in life are just hard.  It's possible that when you encounter situations that are tough, your inner child will want to rail against the ridiculousness of it all.  And your inner child is right.  Some things are purely and simply ridiculous.  But there are times and situations when you don't have the power to change the process, and you still have to do the thing.

The fact is, spending time and energy being angry that you have to do the thing you have to do is using up time and energy you could be spending on just getting the job done and moving on to the celebration of Hey! Look at you - you got it done!

You can spend time being angry, and then spend the time to get the work done.  Or, you can get over it that a job you don't want to do has to be done, accept that the process is stupid, and just get it done without all the wasted angst and energy of a pity party or rage fest.

Don't waste your time looking for the easy button.  Just do the work and move on.  Sometimes the only pain relief is to get it done.  There is no easy button.

Next up:  what it takes to be above average.

for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

thanks for reading!

Mom Talk #3: What Turns You Into an Adult

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for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

Dearest Children of Mine:

Kids spend lots of time dreaming about "when I grow up".  Those dreams are usually about all the wonderful things you'll get to do when you come of age.  Like be a firefighter.  Or a princess.

By law, you're an adult when you turn 18, and in Mom Talk #2 we talked about the reset that happens on that momentous birthday.  But the actual moment you become an adult isn't quite so cut and dried.
The honest truth is that in your heart of hearts, you'll never really feel like an adult, particularly when life gets scary.  The big decisions you encounter are daunting.  Sometimes the risks are terrifying.  When things get tough, there's a part of you that wonders when the grown ups are going to arrive to do the adulting.

The other times you'll never feel like an adult?  When you dream big dreams.  And you should dream big dreams your whole life long.  Part of feeling young is feeling invincible and unlimited.  To this part of being forever young, I want you to say YES.

So if you never really feel like grown up deep down inside, what is it that turns you into an adult?

When you act like it.  When you consistently choose to be responsible and do the things you know you should do - even when you don't want to, and even though you still feel like a kid inside.  This is the secret:  Acting like an adult makes you an adult.  There's no shining, magic moment when you feel ready.  You simply behave like an adult, and so you are one.  And the benefit of all that responsible behavior?  Freedom.  Opportunity.  And choices.  And isn't that what every teenager is looking for?

Next, I'll tell you a stark truth about life that can save you a lot of frustration once you get over it.

for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

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Mom Talk #2: You Reset at 18

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for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

Dearest Children of Mine,

You have been surpassingly awesome kids.  I don't delude myself in thinking that you're perfect - I think you know that :o)  But if God gave me the opportunity to personally select four children, and if He lined up every kid in the world for me to choose from, I would search the line for a million billion miles to pick each one of you out and call you mine.  In the last post, we talked about growing your soul.  Now let's talk about expectations 

It's pretty easy to identify the expectations placed upon you as a child.  You're expected to be polite, play nicely with others, get your chores done, and do your best in school.  

Here's what I want you to know that isn't really explained in all the hoopla on your 18th birthday:  your reputation as a "good kid" has an expiration date that diminishes with greater rapidity the older you get.  You can rest on those good kid laurels for a little while, but it won't last for long.  When you turn 18 and the world sees you as an adult, you reset and there's a new set of expectations for you.  

If you want to expedite the process of becoming an adult and getting the respect an adult commands and the privileges that accompany it, understanding what you're trying to live up to will help.  Here's a short list of adult expectations.  If you get these right, I'm pretty sure you can be guaranteed that you'll have a successful adult life out there in the great wide world.

Take Responsibility

Taking responsibility is what adults do.  Whether it's for breaking a dish, forgetting to get milk on the way home, or missing an important meeting.  You know what?  One very cool thing about being an adult is that although you do have to take responsibility for the things that go wrong (which, by the way, gives you the power to change or correct them) ... you also get to take responsibility for the things that go right.  Own it all, good and bad, and you'll have credibility as an adult.

Pull Your Weight

In every situation that you walk into, you're expected to pull your weight, whether it's contributing to the conversation in a relevant way, pitching in to clear the table after a meal, helping pick up the check at dinner or being an attitude leader on your team.  People may be gracious and tell you that you don't need to contribute, but be an adult and find a way anyway.  In every. single. situation. 

Get a Job

An adult brings in their own income.  You're expected to work. 

Manage Your Personal Space

Your personal space is every space you inhabit, be it a room, a house, a car or a couch.  Take responsibility for your personal space and keep it orderly.  Chaos is for kids.  Order is for adults.  

Get Along with Other People

You're going to have to work with, mingle with, be in class with, complete projects with, and stand in line with people you don't really care for.  Sorry about that.  Fact is, you're expected to get along and get your stuff done anyway.  

Work Your Plan

So ... what are you going to do in life?  The adults know that the 18 year old self and the 25 year old self may answer this question very differently.  Don't stress out about getting the one correct answer that applies to the entirety of your life.  One of the best things about life is that people do change.  Just have a plan for the version of you that's living in your shoes right now.  And don't play around and blow hot air about it ... make things happen and go for it with all the gusto you've got.   

Tomorrow we'll talk about that big moment ... the one you start to dream about from the first time you have to go to bed even though you haven't finished this level of Mega Man ... that moment when you become a REAL adult.  

for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

thanks for reading!

Mom Talk #1: Grow Your Soul

welcome!

for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

Dearest Children of Mine,

It's simple:  the most important thing you can do with your life is give it to Jesus Christ and let Him be Lord of it.  That means grace, grace, grace and more grace for every single time you fail.  It means the end of trying to get it right, and the end of trying to "be good" ... and the rest of your life trying to get it right and be the person God created you to be just for the pleasure of living out your gratitude for all the grace.  

Philippians 1:6 is one of my favorite scriptures:

But this is what I want to tell you about your faith:  although you can be sure that God will perfect your faith, you are responsible for growing it.  I can't explain the paradox of that, but I believe both to be simultaneously true.

Here are a few basic things you can do to grow your faith.  If you do these things regularly, you won't be the same person a year from now.  Your soul will grow.

Read Your Bible Regularly

At first, reading the Bible can be a little like trying to read an unfamiliar language.  But the more you read, the more the wisdom seeps into your soul, and the more you understand.  Just start.  And then keep going, as close to every day as you can, but with no guilt for the days you don't.  I believe the Bible is holy, and therefore when we read it, when we consume it, when we expose our souls to it, when its words are breathed into our day: something holy happens to the atmosphere around us.  I don't mean weird holy, I just mean plain and simple good holy.  Reading your Bible makes a difference in your daily life - not because you did it or anything you can make that mean (i.e. yay!  I read my Bible today!  I'm a good person!) but simply because because God's word is holy, and it never returns to Him void.

If you read your Bible regularly, when the bottom falls out of your life and you need answers, you won't need to figure out where to start, you'll already know: just start with whatever today's reading is to be.  When you need direction, what you're reading will be somewhat familiar to you - you've already covered the basics of the language, so you can understand it more quickly and easily when you're really searching for an answer to a difficult situation.  And finally, when you're in the heat of the moment, God's Word is already in your mind.

Your life right now is relatively easy, but there will be times and seasons that are increasingly challenging as you mature.  The sooner you begin the practice of reading your Bible regularly, the more firm your foundation will be when life throws ugly stuff at you.  The very best time to start reading your Bible regularly is right now.  Or the right now at which you remember Mom encouraged you to do this :o)

There are so many ways to approach Bible reading ... it's kind of a daunting task, and like everything else, it helps to have a plan on how you'll do it.  Different methods will suit the different seasons of your life.  Here are a couple I recommend:

Proverbs

There are 31 chapters in the book of Proverbs, so there's a chapter for every day.  This is light but profound reading, particularly if you repeat the process month after month.

The Daily Bible

The Daily Bible has 365 daily readings in chronological order, with marks to show where to start and stop each day, and brief but helpful explanations and overviews of the subject matter.  

Daily Light

Daily Light is a collection of scriptures for every day of the year surrounding a different common topic each day.  This book has been around for years, and it's amazing how spot on the day's selection of scripture can hone in with laser precision on exactly what you need to hear.

Pick a Book, Any Book
You don't necessarily have to begin with Genesis ... just pick a book and start reading.  If this is your approach, I would recommend something more than just "light" reading - study the book you choose enough to understand who is writing it and why, and who the target audience is and why they need it.  Read it in small bites and really contemplate what the message is.  Keep going until you finish the entire book, even if you think you're not really getting it.  Just. keep. going.  

Pray Now

Pray Now is a phone app that includes a reading from the Psalms, Old Testament, New Testament and other thoughtful readings for every day of the year.  It's a great little app to have on your phone so you always have it with you.

Pray

I believe in the power of prayer.  I believe God doesn't always answer your prayers the way you want Him to and/or on your timeline, but I believe prayer makes a tremendous difference in your life.  Praying will increase your faith as you see God answer your prayers.  Praying will put a time and place in your day when maybe your heart is open and still enough that God can speak to you.  

My sister Karol taught me the ACTS sequence of praying when I was very young.  This isn't a "formula", and your prayers don't need to be like this always or even most of the time ... for me, it just helps keep my prayers somewhat focused and keeps them from running all over creation: 

• A:  Adoration ... spend time appreciating God for who He is ... He is worthy of every bit of your praise.
• C:  Confess ... confess your sin.  I used to stress about trying to confess every single sin, all the while knowing it was impossible to do so.  Now, I just start by agreeing with God:  I am a sinner, through and through, and there is nothing good in me aside from His presence.  And then I ask Him to show me what things I am wrong about, and I pray about those things, asking forgiveness and for help to overcome.
• T:  Thanks!  His mercies are new, every morning.  There are too many things to count ... thank Him!
• S:  Supplication ... ask for what you need, talk it out.  Notice this comes last - that helps give you proper perspective :o)

I also recommend keeping a prayer journal.  I've used my prayer journal like a prayer list, which I prayed my way through as regularly as possible.  And I've also used a prayer journal to write in brief what I'm praying about each day.  Using a prayer journal helps keep my mind on track and helps me remember the things I want to pray about.  Most delightfully, keeping a prayer journal has given me a way to look back and see where God has answered my prayers.  It can be astounding ... sometimes He answers with abundance prayers you don't even remember praying.  Your God is a gracious God.

God is the same forever, but I think everyone has their own unique spirituality that's forged between them and God.  Don't judge yourself according to someone else's kind of spiritual life ... figure out your own, make it your own, and take responsibility for growing your faith and growing your soul.  It's the best possible ambition you can have.

Tomorrow, we'll talk about the reset that happens when you turn 18.  It's a truth that everyone agrees upon but is rarely discussed or explained, and if you don't acknowledge it, you can lose entire decades of your life to foolishness.

for the introduction and index of the posts in this 31 Days series, click }here{

thanks for reading!

Introduction to Mom Talks: A 31 Days Series

... scroll down for the introduction to this series ...

click below to go to the post

1:  Grow Your Soul - a few thoughts on your spiritual life

2:  You Reset at 18 - about expectations for adults

3: What Turns You Into an Adult - the secret about becoming

4:  Get Over It - when you have to do hard things

5:  It Takes So Little to Be Above Average - a short list of things to set you apart

6:  Attitude is Everything - yep.  Everything.

7:  Why You Should Be Nice - three good reasons

8:  Reflections All Around You - about your affect on other people

9:  Things You Want Back - three qualities to project

10:  How to Get What You Want - it's surprisingly simple

11:  Beauty Fades - why it's important to acknowledge this truth

12:  Choose Someone You Can Work With - because life involves work

13: You Marry the Family, too - three questions to ask about family

14: Be Generous - it's great for your relationships

15:  Fight Fair - some rules for a fair fight

16:  Apologize - how to give and receive an apology well

17:  The Ones Who Need Grace the Most - it helps to understand this

18:  This One is Safe to Assume - what you should always assume about people

19: The Power of Whatever - the mental shorthand of words

20:  Clean Your Windshield - about dealing with things when they happen

21:  Write it Down - four reasons why you should journal

22:  The Company You Keep - a few words about choosing friends wisely

23:  Three Keys to Good Health - simple advice that works

24:  Say This, Not That - four things not to say and better alternatives

25:  Suit Up! - about what you wear to work

26:  How to Be On Time - some practical tips on punctuality

27:  Take Responsibility - why you should, even if you want to run the other way

28:  In Praise of Fezziwig - the importance of who you work for

29:  When You Feel Out of Control - four tips for when things get crazy

30:  Every Body Stinks - straight talk, no minced words
31:  The Last Mom Talk (just kidding) - closing the series with my most important
"wait, there's one more thing" things

I've given speeches to my kids so many times over the years - urgently ... those final instructions before we leave, the last word before we go in, the quick recap of all things good manners, 

the "oh, let me just say this one thing" - 

in hopes that going over it  one. more. time.  will ensure the best outcome.  

When your eldest turns 21, there's not a lot you can do to deny that the young adults are queuing on the launching pad, and short of doing it all over again, I long to make certain that they know for sure what's important, that they have all the information they need to make the right decisions, that I've passed along as much of what I understand of life's wisdom to them as I possibly can.  

Suddenly, I feel like the crazy woman chasing the train as it leaves the station, shouting,

"Wait!  Wait!  Sweetie, did you pack an extra pair of underwear?" 

By now, my kids call these speeches "Mom Talks", and the shorthand that's developed for them goes:

"Obey the teacher.  No running.  No hitting.  No kicking."
Then we laugh ... and I proceed with my speech.

These days, when it's time for a Mom Talk, sometimes I let the kids give the talk to me.

Inexplicably, they're usually able to deliver the appropriate points in about 15 seconds flat 

while it takes me at least 15 minutes to just warm up.  

I suspect Mom Talks will be one of those things they laugh about
when my children reminisce about growing up together.
As many times as I've given my Mom Talks, even so I wonder if my kids really know what I think.

Do they know what I hold to be most important, beyond a shadow of a doubt, in plain black and white?  

Have I truly conveyed to them the most important things?
Are they sure of what I believe?
Have I given them a firm enough foundation?

Just in case ... just. in. case  ... these dearest, most precious, wonderful young people
I've been privileged and blessed to call my own have missed something along the way,
I've put together a series of Mom Talks to participate in 

the 31 Days Series hosted by The Nester at write31days.  

Are you familiar with this annual October writing challenge?  

If not, click }here{ for an incredible resource 

of over a thousand amazing blog series to choose from and fabulous, inspiring writing.

And then ... would you please come back?

I'll be posting a Mom Talk every day during the month of October,
with topics ranging from spiritual foundation to life hacks to things only your mother will tell you,

and although my target audience is really my own fabulous four, 

you're so very welcome to come along.  

My hope is that if you're somewhere along the wild and wonderful trail of rearing children, 

you'll recognize a fellow traveler and walk alongside me a little ways 

to share some ideas and encouragement.

I'd love for you to join me!

The only thing to fear ...

When I took up walking again earlier this year, it was with some trepidation.  Because, you know, there was that one time two years ago that I saw a snake, and even though it lay right in the middle of the path and pretended to be dead ... it beset me with a case of irrational willies that would not let go.

It was time to start walking again, though, so on one of my first oh-good-grief-just-get-over-it-already forays, I asked God to keep all the snakes off these 22 acres.  With 171 million acres in the entire state of Texas, surely keeping 22 acres snake free is not a big deal.

I felt God's amusement.  

Try again, He said.  

I kept walking.  Okay, God ... how about - just don't let me see the snakes.  They can live here ... just don't let me see them.

 Again:  No.  There's another way to pray about this, I felt Him saying.

By now, I'm standing up on the creek bank, looking down into the mostly dry creek, except for a nice little pool under a tree.  And there are two simultaneous trains of thought running through my head:

                                    Okay, God ...                                      Well, I'm glad there's a little

                                                                                                water left in the creek.

                 It's silly to ask you to remove                               Look at that long tree branch 

         all the snakes off 22 acres.  I know.                             lying in the water.

               I know, it's pretty likely that I'll                             That branch has such a lovely,

              run across a snake at some point.                            graceful curve at the end.

         So, the greater miracle would be                                  

                   that even if I DO see a snake                                         WAIT.

                 

                            Let me not FEAR it.                                Is that a SNAKE?

At that, the "tree branch" disappeared in a furious swish of muddy brown water, and I'm pretty sure God laughed while delighting in His own perfect timing ... and I didn't feel fear, I felt mirth.

Thus my prayer all summer has been, "Lord God, please help me not fear what I don't see ... and what I do see."  

I gave up the walking shoes that left my ankles feeling exposed for mud boots that come up to my knee, and if I need to dispatch a snake, I'm well prepared.  Wearing boots makes you swagger just a little bit, and having a plan evokes a sense of calm.

But honestly?  

It's the prayer that's made the most difference.  

I remember that prayer every single time I walk by that place on the creek bank.  I look down into the creek and expect a snake to be there, in all its graceful curvy-ness, and I remember the little joke God and I shared.  I thank Him for His kind and gentle grace in not letting me see more snakes thus far ... and I ask Him to help me not fear.

I recognize that the enemy really isn't the snake, it's the fear that takes over and keeps me from doing the things I want to do.  Fear can move in, take over, and before you know it you're making coffee, offering it your favorite chair, and staying home to keep it company.  That's when you count the cost.  And maybe you realize what you're missing is preferable to the company you're keeping ... and you go for a walk.