He's in the Army Now

Surely every parent tries to predict what their children will be based on their interests as they grow up.  At two years old, I thought our eldest son would be a hydraulic engineer because he loved to play in the water.  When he was five, I suspected he would be a game designer because of the complex games he made, meticulously drawing pieces and cutting them out.  Then came age eight, and I was certain he'd be a video game designer since video games piqued his interest.  Around twelve, I was pretty sure he was going to be an artist, most likely famous for writing a web comic.  The teenage years rolled in and finally I conceded I wasn't going to be able to predict anything at all.

 When Ben began to talk about being a nurse, it was clearly more than just a passing interest as he spoke of the markers God was putting in his life.  I was surprised, but so proud.  I was so proud of his gentle and respectful, yet commanding demeanor as we helped my Dad in his final years.  It all crystallized in my mind when I knocked on Ben's bedroom door well after 2am one night, because his granddaddy needed his help.  Ben's response went from an irritated "WHAT???!!!" at my knock, to an enormously kind "Hey, Granddaddy, what can I do for you?" within two minutes.  That's what the best do ... they put the self aside and they address the call.



When Ben talked about joining the army, even though I'd always thought the military would be a good fit for him, it was a surprise because he'd not expressed an interest in it before, as far as I could remember.  But I thought yes, of course.  Military service is well and honorably represented on both sides of our family, with Grandfathers, Great Uncles, Uncles, and a cousin, each having achieved something akin to legendary status.  I know my son took many cues from these extraordinary men.  That's what the best do ... they take their inspiration from the best and follow the lead.

Ben grappled with the decision to go into the military pretty intensely over many days, and when he made the decision to go Army we couldn't have been more proud.  He'd be able to begin his service as a medic and work toward getting his RN while in the military.   Of course there's the scary side of  military service, but I determined from the start not think about that side of it unless I'm praying. I have yet to meet anyone who went into the service that didn't come out a better person, and I know this will be the case for Ben as well.



Since we'd already booked our February family cruise when he signed up in December, Ben was able to get a deferred enlistment.  He worked, saved his money, enjoyed spending time with his friends, time stretched out and it seemed like his ship out day would never come.  The family cruise was a sweet time of just being together without the normal at-home distractions.  When we came home, we hosted a dinner in Ben's honor with close family and friends, and everyone had an opportunity to speak encouragement and blessing upon him.  Most moving to me was what his younger brother had to say, acknowledging Ben's significant personal growth over the past year.  Since the kids were toddlers, I've prayed that our family would be a place of personal growth, and that we would recognize and allow it in each other as it happened.  What an awesome answer to prayer; to hear it put so succinctly from one sibling to another was the  g r e a t e s t  pleasure.  Then Ben's cousin brought in a little levity by thanking him for taking the pressure off their generation of the family to go into military service.  Ha!



The days prior to shipping out shifted into hyper drive and it seemed impossible that the time was  upon us.   Although I'd had the privilege of accompanying my Dad as a veteran to various military activities, it's a very different experience to see it all from the beginning, when everyone seems so young.  We witnessed the swearing in of about twenty people, and that was only one of several groups that day.  Then it was time to see our son board the bus and wave goodbye.  I'm not going to lie and say there isn't a big hole in my heart.  That afternoon I was teary at the slightest kindness, but I'm excited for the beginning of a great life experience opening up for my son, and that's the most important thing.



We watched the bus pull away, and headed home.  I did the regular grocery run and bought about $50 of junk food, and it was clear we would comfort ourselves with cookies, at least for one evening.  I wanted to tell everyone I saw, "My son just left for Basic Training" but I refrained :o)  Day Two was distracted and disjointed and I found everything to do except for what I planned to do.  Day Three I leaned into it, treated myself kindly, tossed the to-do list and organized the pantry.  My highly sensitive kid-radar is still a little off, missing a blip on the radar.  But I'm pretty sure I can trust the US Army to keep tabs on my boy.



I keep thinking back over his childhood and wonder where was the play with the plastic green army men, or the obsession with GI Joe that could've tipped me off that the Army was the way this one was going to go.  But it turns out that what I should have been predicting in those early childhood years was that my son would turn out to be high value, strong, steady, compassionate, resilient, deferential, capable, adventurous and personable.  On that I would have been 100% correct.

Live from the Lido Deck : A Family Cruise Review

When it comes to vacation, our loyalties are firmly fixed on the Alabama Gulf Coast - I've written about that here and here.  But ... for the longest time, LtDan has wanted to go on a cruise.  Honestly, cruising has never appealed to me, but when LtDan finally put his foot down and proclaimed this is the year we do a cruise, and he found an unbelievable deal on the Carnival Triumph for the whole family, well ... how could I say no?  I was excited about being on the sea, and excited to go to Mexico, and for sure happy to have nearly a whole week with the kids just having fun, but I still wasn't sure if I would really like it or not.

 A lot of the uncertainty stemmed from all the what ifs.  You know the ones.  What if our house burns down or is burgled while we're gone?  What if our car is stolen while we're on the boat?    What if we have an accident or someone gets injured?  What if our clothes aren't fancy enough?  What if we get seasick?  What if there are obnoxious drunk people everywhere? What if there's an excess of scantily clad wanton women parading in front of my boys?  (I know, I know - they're no longer "boys" - more on that later.)   What if someone steals our wallets and ID's?  What if the peddlers in the marketplace won't leave us alone?  What if we're abducted in Mexico?

Those what ifs.

I'm happy to say that none of the scary what ifs happened.  We did have not one, but TWO exciting incidents involving wallets (and ID's) left behind; one in our own car before we even made it to the boat, and one left in a taxi in Cozumel!  LtDan saved the day in the first incident and quickly took a taxi back to our hotel to retrieve the first forgotten wallet.  Ben was the hero in Cozumel when he employed his Olympic speed power sprint and caught up to the taxi just as it was leaving the parking lot.  He had to run into the street with it and bang on the side of the van to get the driver to stop.  Oh.  My. Goodness.  I'll be thanking the Lord for his kindness to us on that one forever and ever.

So again, not one of the bad things happened ... Hallelujah and Amen.


Here are our take-aways and a review of a Family Cruise to Mexico:

Take the Loop Around Downtown Houston

If you're driving to catch a ship out of Galveston and your route takes you through Houston, make sure you take the loop around downtown ... the traffic is probably not worse than any other big city traffic, but wow, if you're on vacation you deserve a break from it.  We went through downtown Houston on the way to Galveston on Friday evening but opted to take the loop (which is a tollroad) around it when we drove home.  So.  Much.  Better.  The nice thing about that was if you have a toll tag for the DFW area, it works in Houston, too - no stopping to dump coins at tollbooths.

Overnight in Galveston / Park the Car Free

Our cruise left on Saturday, and most Texas people I talked to just drive down to Galveston the day of the cruise, but that made me nervous.  I can't imagine how much more stressful the downtown Houston traffic would have been if we'd have been trying to make a boarding time (sorry, Houston people, I'm sure your city is lovely).  Anyway, we spent the night at the Holiday Inn Resort in Galveston because they offer free shuttle service to the Cruise Terminal and free parking while you're gone.  It was affordable and nice enough, and knowing where we'd leave the car was one less unknown to worry about.

YES:  Get a Valet to Help With All Your Luggage

We're a family of six, and we had five bags and six (heavy) carryons.  The Luggage Valets both when we checked in and when we came back were life savers.  Not only was it great to have help with all the bags, it was peace of mind to know they knew what to do even if we didn't.  The internet says standard tip rate is $1 to $2 a bag (or more if they're excessively heavy) and it was worth every penny of our generous tip to have someone knowledgeable help us negotiate bag check-in on the way out and customs on the way back in.

Birth Certificate & Drivers License Was Fine for ID

Please do not take my word for it and do your own research, but in February of 2016, original Birth Certificates and Drivers Licenses were fine as ID for cruise travel to Mexico.  I was nervous about this, and honestly I will probably just get everyone a passport if we take another cruise, but for this trip, I was really happy that for cruise travel to Mexico, no one hassled us at all for just using birth certificates and drivers licenses.  Again, if you're traveling, please do your own research on this - I  believe criteria will be changing soon, even for cruise travel to Mexico.

Clothes

Planning fashionable cruise wardrobes for all six of us was a little daunting, but I just approached it as though we were going to the beach for a week and packed accordingly.  Like everything else these days, we saw pretty much the whole spectrum of clothing, from very very casual to dressy.  The dressy was only on the evening designated for elegant dining, and even then, there was plenty of casual attire mixed in.  I'm sure it varies from cruise to cruise, but we fit right in with our casual and dressed-up-but-not-too-much wardrobes.  My greatest regret:  not taking a hoodie to wear whilst sitting in a deck chair, sipping on something lovely and reading to my heart's content!  Although we had sunny days, the wind made it chilly.  So, if you're thinking of cruising in the off season, don't forget your favorite cool weather outerwear!

To Balcony, Or Not to Balcony?

LtDan and I booked a room on the back of the boat with a balcony - truly dead center of the boat - it was lovely!  The balcony was large enough for three chairs and a small table.  I was glad we opted for the balcony for our first cruise - I couldn't fathom not being able to step outside or at least open a window.  But really we didn't sit on the balcony much, because it was much more fun to sit on the deck with other people. You can find a place that's relatively quiet, or stake a claim to deck chairs on the Lido Deck around the pool (yes, LoveBoat fans ... the LIDO DECK :).  I'm curious to see what a stateroom on the side of the ship would be like, because those rooms on our ship had balconies, too.  We didn't indulge our kids with balconies - they had interior rooms with no windows.  At first, it seems claustrophobic, until you realize how little time you're really spending in there.  I'm not ruling out getting a balcony if we cruised again, but it's not as big a deal as I thought it would be.

What About Sea Sickness?

We had very pleasant and calm weather, except for our last night at sea when we came through some (very mild) stormy weather.  On the calm days, sometimes you feel just the slightest movement of the ocean - nothing at all to make you unsteady, and you really have to be looking for it to notice.  The night there was stormy weather (and again - it was VERY mild), we were just conscious of an occasional roll.  Even that was nothing to make you unsteady on your feet - it was just enough to make you notice, and to me, it was actually pleasant :o)  The day after we got home, every once in a while when I was sitting very still, I would feel that sway-ish feeling, which I adore.  It's like a free souvenir so you don't forget that you were on the ocean.

Activities

Oh the on board activities!  Things kicked off with line dancing on the Lido Deck and went from there.  There was bingo, an Oscar Watching Party, plenty of duty free shopping (jewelry and paintings were the big feature on this cruise), a full service spa, a gym, Dive-In Movies, Piano Bar performances, a Comedy Club, Karaoke, a casino, full cast live production shows, a danceclub, and I'm sure I've forgotten a few hundred other things.  There were lots of activities for youngsters as well, and they celebrated Dr. Suess all week long - it was pretty cute.  Every evening, our porter left a schedule of activities in our room for the next day, so we could plan accordingly.

My favorite activities were the Dive-In Movies.  We sat in deck chairs, huddled up in blankets (provided by the cruise line) and watched Jurassic World projected on a big screen above the swimming pool.  I think there were current-run movies every night, and popcorn was also provided!

Excursions

Our ports of call were Progresso and Cozumel.  Before you leave, the cruise line sends many helpful emails to let you know about all the things you can do when in port.  Actually, for someone like me who's afraid of missing out on any of the fun, it made me feel a little panic-y to make the right choices and fast.  But really, at least in the off-season and on this cruise, there wasn't as much urgency as I let myself believe.  We could have waited until we were on the cruise and booked from there, even though the emails made it seem like we needed to do it in advance (please do note, however:  we were cruising at the end of February - I'm sure in peak season it's a different game).  We stayed on board the ship in Progresso and enjoyed a quiet day while most folks went ashore.  In Cozumel, we got our own taxi to the market and had a grand day of shopping, bargaining, serenades, and eating the hands down best fajitas EVER.  There may or may not have been Tequila involved.

Communications

Our greatest challenge was without a doubt communication.  Our AT&T phone network wasn't reliable enough to be sure everyone was getting our "This is Where I Am" or "WHERE ARE YOU????" texts in a timely manner.  And unfortunately, one of our phones just flat out died the day we boarded the ship.  These were huge challenges for a family of extremely independent types who are nonetheless very dependent on technology.

Next time, we'll:

• officiate our family emergency procedures if someone can't be located
• figure out some low-tech way of tracking everyone.  Some people brought their own walkie-talkies, and they were actually available for purchase from the gift shop.  Some people used dry erase boards or sticky notes on their cabin doors.
• know you can ask Guest Services whether someone has gotten off or on the ship (because you punch in your door keycard when you come and go).  In one case, the info we got was accurate, in the other case, it wasn't.  But it's at least a place to start if you're looking for someone.

Disembarking

When you think of a cruise, you imagine sailing away from port, but what about coming home?  Never thought about that at all, myself.  How exactly do you get over 2000 people off a ship in an organized fashion?  Fortunately, the cruise line has that all figured out, and just like with boarding, you're given a set time to get off the ship.  If you're checking bags to be taken off the ship by the cruise line, you'll pack them up, tag them, and put them outside your cabin by 11pm the night before.  Then, when your time to disembark comes, you'll make your way down the gangplank and into the baggage claim area.  I imagined mass chaos, but it was remarkably organized and our bags were right there when we got off the ship - no waiting.  We got a porter (there's a line for this, and you're assigned an official porter - this is so worth it!) then we made our way to customs and immigration.  The birth certificates and Drivers Licenses came back out and it took a very few minutes to pass through.

Family Friendly Helpful Hints

• Consider not only the dates and destinations but also what the ship offers.  Our kids were expecting a giant swimming pool, but the pools on this particular ship were adequate but pretty small compared to what they were expecting.
• Make it a priority to make friends and establish your group the first day if you can.  Go to the meet and greets.  The kids should sign up for the Kids Club.
• Do all the onboard activities you can.
• Make friends with the crew - they're there to help you have fun and are great sources of info.
• If there's nothing going on activity wise, don't stay in your room - go up on deck and hang out!
• Don't forget to take pictures!
• If you're going shopping, make your budget and then plan to spend it in about $10 increments.  It's a good idea to have small bills with you for the marketplace.
• If you're going to Mexico, don't forget that haggling over the price is expected  
• Leave your laptop at home - you're not going to touch it.  All you need is a good book :o)

Something for Everyone

There were six of us, and what made the cruise such a blast was that we all called out something different as our favorite thing.  We loved:

• playing basketball on the deck and working out at the gym
• sitting on the deck doing nothing (guess who that was :o)
• dancing the night away at the nightclub 
• filling up on unlimited food food food
• getting to know the amazing entertainment and wait staffs
• enjoying the sense of community

When we debriefed with the family about the whole experience, I think everyone agreed that the sense of community was everyone's #1.  Nathan put it best:  Everyone you meet is having this shared experience, so you can strike up a conversation anywhere, anytime - compare notes on the food, the excursions, the best deck chairs, whatever - you have an easy conversation opener with every single person you meet, and everyone's happy to talk about how much fun they're having.

This trip was a transitional experience for us ... we were traveling with two adult "kids" (21 and 22) and two teenagers (16 and 17).  Okay, really the transition wasn't so much for us as it was for me.  I still feel like it's my business to know what my kids are doing and when they're coming and going, but they are diplomatically and ever so gently helping me understand the apron strings are no longer necessary.  Is it okay for my adult "children" to go play basketball on the upper deck at midnight?  Well, Mom, yes.  Yes it is.  There comes a time when you have to just let your kids be who you've raised them to be.  It's hard, and it feels treacherous.  But you know what?  When you've been pouring your heart and soul into training them for twenty plus years ... they can be trusted to make you proud :o)

Our big question was how would going on a family cruise compare with a family beach vacation?  From a Mom perspective, I have to say going on a cruise was more of a real vacation.  When we stay at the beach, I still straighten up our condo, plan meals and do laundry daily.  On the cruise, someone else did the daily room refresh (and towel origami!), handled everything related to eating, and although no one did laundry, it's an option if you want to pay for the service.  If you have kids who are old enough to be somewhat independent, going on a cruise offers Mom more of a real break from the everyday.

At this point, it feels crazily disloyal to our beloved Gulf Coast annual vacation to even consider that going on a cruise could replace it.  But after such a great cruise experience, I can say we're a little more open minded to the idea.  One of the BEST things about going to the same place every year is that you get into the vacation groove really quickly, and the first part of your vacation isn't spent figuring things out.  So I think at this point, before I can say for sure whether or not I'd opt for a cruise instead of our annual Alabama beach vacation, I'm going to have to do more research.  You can find me on the Lido Deck, hanging out with Julie.

I'm sharing this post with the Grace at Home Linky Party at Imparting Grace ... 

click here to join the fun!

Family Surfing Night #16

Because we do not spend nearly enough time in front of our screens watching silly videos, we bring you the 16th edition of FAMILY SURFING NIGHT!  LtDan and I were vastly underprepared for this cut throat competition, so this is a Kids Only edition :)

Nathan tried to convince us that we were surfing too soon, that it could not have been a month since he won the trophy with his Pen and Teller Power Tools Magic Show, but he's no match for the calendar - it's time!  People are willing to go to great lengths to keep their name on a paper trophy on the refrigerator, we all know it's true.

Click }here{ if you want an explanation about what this means in our family ... otherwise, enjoy!

First up is Aaron's video, which the kids have been referencing FOR WEEKS.  Now I understand why I keep hearing "Heh-woe, Mista Cwow" ...

From Abbie, Snoop Dog narrates an exciting encounter on Planet Earth ...

From Nathan, the Dog of Wisdom.  Great stuff, here.  No seriously ...

From Ben, dissociative identity affect comes to Family Surfing Night.  Full disclosure:  the video is lengthy and we didn't watch the whole thing.  See how long you can watch it before you have to go to a darkened room and see if you can replicate the affect.  We lasted about five minutes before we had to see if we could become something we don't ...

And the winner IS ...

Snoop Dog and Planet Earth! 

 "I ain't never seen no gator bein' punked by no mongooses!"  

Me neither, Snoop, me neither.  That's why your video wins!

A Cancer Chronicle : Sandy's Story

I'm so blessed this week to bring to you a story that's very close to my heart.  The story belongs to my sister, Sandy, and it's a strong testimony of how God travels through our lives with us, pulling together details and "happenstances" in ways we think are small, but in retrospect are infinitely vast in their impact.

This story's "anniversary" of sorts is President's Day, and for many years Sandy has been faithful to mark the day with gratitude and share her story publicly in honor of how God made His presence known in her life.  It's my pleasure to share it with you today ...

I'm so grateful for God's grace demonstrated through Presidents Day holiday 25 years ago.  Can’t believe it’s been 25 years!

President’s Day holds tremendous significance to me as it was on President’s Day in 1991 where God showed up…big time. It was the day before I was officially diagnosed with breast cancer. Not that God doesn’t show up in big and little ways every moment of every day, but there are times when His presence and tender care are so significant and evident that it warrants chronicling. It’s like piling up those ‘memorial stones’ as the Israelites did when they were wandering in the wilderness on their way to Canaan. God rightfully instructed them to memorialize His abundant provisions and protections because we humans tend to forget. Being the 25th anniversary of that significant President’s Day in 1991, it is fitting I spend some time reflecting, processing and praising God for extending my life these past 25 years.

In 1991 I was a call center manager for Delta Air Lines in Dallas, Texas. Delta had a management training program in their headquarters in Atlanta, GA. It was a 4 month assignment where you worked in one of the Vice President’s offices (and worked very long hours, and did not get sick much less take vacations). Program participants (4 at a time) lived in an apartment with others in the program, and usually commuted back home on weekends (the beauties of space available travel for airline employees). I entered the program in November of 1990 and was scheduled to complete my term in March of 1991.

The week before President’s Day holiday (which Delta observed) I discovered “a lump.” Like many women I already had some issues with fibrocystic breast disease and lumps would come and go from time to time. Almost instinctively I knew this one was different. This realization brought no small implications and potential fears given my older sister, Karol, had died of breast cancer 7 years before at age 32. Even so, since there were only a few weeks left for the program in Atlanta, my typical response would have been to wait and take care of it after I finished the program and was back in Dallas full time. But Delta observed the President’s Day holiday and Friday I was heading home to Dallas for a 3 day weekend.

Monday morning, I gave my OB-Gyn a call and found they were open. I explained the situation (“a lump”) and was told to come in at noon. I packed my bags so I could be ready to catch the 6pm flight back to Atlanta that evening. When I entered the doctor’s office, the receptionist greeted me and said, “We hope this is nothing, but we’ve scheduled a mammogram for you just in case.” The doctor examined the lump and sent me on for the mammogram. The mammogram showed nothing, which was curious as the lump was clearly prominent through examination. So, they sent me on for a sonogram. The sonogram revealed there was definitely something that needed checking into.

Next thing I knew I was in the office of breast surgeon Dr. Janet Hale. Loved this doctor! She took my history, asking a lot of questions, was interested in life-style and work, so she knew I was temporarily working in Atlanta on an assignment that would end in a few weeks. She looked over the sonogram and mammogram and examined the lump. As we talked through everything and she analyzed the films her thoughts were, “I really don’t think this is anything. Let’s plan on you going back to Atlanta, finishing up there, and then we’ll take this out when you get back.” She was finishing up, saying good-bye and turning to leave the room when she seemed to have a last minute thought and suddenly said, “…but let me check my surgery schedule.” She returned a few minutes later and pronounced, “I have a cancellation at noon tomorrow. Let’s just go ahead and do it then.”

Next step was pre-op down in the day surgery unit, which included lots of paperwork and the pre-surgery blood work. At 6pm I was walking out of Medical City Hospital, my head spinning just a bit. As I mentally prepared for surgery the following day, I was also thinking, “I was supposed to be on a flight back to Atlanta right now.” I believe it was at that time I noticed The Mary Crowley Chapel. I stopped and spent some time in prayer, something that has become a habit whenever I have a doctor’s appointment at Medical City. God was incredibly gracious through all of this in giving me a pretty immediate sense of peace that overshadowed any fears after having watched my sister die of cancer in 1983. Not that I wasn’t keenly aware of the potential outcomes of a cancer diagnosis, but God clearly provided the peace in the face of those fears after having lived through the worst with Karol.

It was now time to start advising those who needed to know what was going on. Starting with my family, of course. Can’t exactly remember the sequence of the calls as to who I called first. My younger sister, Melissa, and her husband lived approximately 30 miles away and I called her to fill her in. We talked for a little while discussing the surgery schedule and other details. Just a few minutes after we hung up she called back to advise, “I’ll be over, I’m spending the night.” Love her, loved her sisterly support! Called my parents and knew the news would be concerning given family history. They took it well, although I believe my mother was terrified at the (unspoken) possibility of losing another daughter to cancer. Next thing I knew she had a flight booked for the following morning so she could be here for the surgery, too. My brother was also brought in the loop and concerned as well.

I chose not to spread the news far and wide as breast cancer is a bit personal (was even more so in 1991), and I ‘didn’t want to burden others with my problems.’  But there were some that needed, or I knew would want, to know.  I contacted my boss in Atlanta who was extremely supportive and wanted to be kept informed. I contacted my boss in Dallas who was equally supportive and concerned. I contacted a few close friends, some who had lived through my sister’s death with me.  And I received wonderful support and concern along with many commitments to prayer.

The next day I reported in for surgery, my sister Melissa at my side. They whisked me off for the surgery preparations and Melissa went to pick up my mother at the airport. By the time they returned I was already in surgery which took maybe 30 minutes. I awakened to the friendly faces of my mom and sister. About the time the cobwebs of anesthetic were clearing the doctor walked in with the news of a malignancy. I can still see my mother’s face as she did her best to blink back the dread. But again, and throughout the whole cancer experience (except for one situation I’ll explain later), God gave the gift of His peace and presence to sustain me despite potential prognoses and treatments.

Speaking of prognoses and treatments…the next day at 5pm the doctor made room in her busy schedule to discuss outcomes and next steps. It was a bit amusing to me that here I was, 36 years of age, and both my parents, in addition to Melissa and her husband, Dan, accompanied me to the doctor. It was also comforting, though, to be so loved and supported. And, Melissa and Dan wanted some education and information given this family medical information that seemed to be rearing its ugly head.

Dr. Hale explained that the tumor was small, less than 2 centimeters, which was good. She advised that the borders were all contained except for one small area where it was difficult to determine whether or not the cancer had broken out (this will be significant later on). Her immediate recommendation was to go back in and take a little more tissue in that area to have it analyzed for cancer cells, and then to do an axillary dissection to remove some of the lymph nodes under the arm, also to determine whether cancer was present. Additional options she presented were to do a full mastectomy of the breast or to do a double mastectomy removing both breasts as preventative action against further occurrences of cancer. She gave me a few moments to think about it and I chose option one, also known as “a lumpectomy” with the removal of some lymph nodes. Her response was, “Ok, are you sure? Because there are no guarantees.” To which I responded, “Yes…because I don’t think there are any guarantees any way you go.” And I didn’t. I had watched my sister, Karol, first have a modified radical mastectomy, go through chemotherapy and radiation, then a full mastectomy when the cancer returned…nothing had worked.

I returned to Atlanta the following Monday to finish my work there. Delta would have excused me from the rest of the program but it was actually better therapy for me to stay busy and keep my mind occupied while I waited for the next surgery. I finished out the next few weeks (providing a little levity when I could by using the “I can’t do that, I have cancer” card whenever it would work or at least be entertaining) and came back home to Dallas for the next surgery.

The surgery revealed no further cancer cells in the tissue or the lymph nodes, thank you, Lord! The recovery from this surgery was more involved because I had one of those blasted drainage tubes…will spare you the details about that but suffice it to say: not fun. And they had to leave those tubes in until the drainage went down to a certain level, and it was not subsiding. I was finally confined to full bed rest (although I felt fine) to help stop the fluid production…OK, TMI, moving on…

Weekly follow-ups with Dr. Hale ensued to check stitches, healing, progress, etc. I learned the type of cancer I had was non-hormone reactive which she said would not involve Tamoxifen or chemotherapy. That was great news! However, after several weeks of follow-up visits Dr. Hale advised, “I’d like you to go downtown to Baylor and visit with Dr. Stephen Jones, an oncologist.” To which I replied, “Whoa, an oncologist…that’s chemotherapy. You said we weren’t going to have to do any of that.” Dr. Hale responded, “He knows more about Breast Cancer than anyone in this city. I’d really like to you meet with him.” Well, what could I say to this woman who I had so much respect for? My appointment with Dr. Jones was scheduled for the next Tuesday which happened to be the Tuesday before Easter.


I don’t remember much about Dr. Jones’ offices on that first visit, except that in the lobby was a large aquarium with some interesting fish in it. I’m sure there’s some type of analogy in there somewhere but it continues to escape me. After filling out the typical reams of paperwork, I was ushered into Dr. Jones' office where he and a nurse discussed my treatment with me. He was matter of factly explaining that I would undergo 3 rounds of chemotherapy treatments using the drugs Adriamiacin and Cytoxin. Adriamiacin would be administered intravenously with an anti-nausea drug, then 2 days later I would start the course of 4 Cytoxin pills for 7 days…or was it 7 Cytoxin pills for 4 days? Regardless, the 3 treatment cycles were 3 weeks apart (depending on how I responded that would be reflected in blood work done several days following the treatments) and I would be taking the drugs both intravenously and in pill form. Side effects would be nausea because the chemotherapy is designed to kill rapidly growing cells – the lining of your stomach, bone marrow, hair…I would probably lose some, if not all of my hair, but they would be using cold caps (like an old style swimming cap that had some type of gel liner that would be frozen and put on your head to block the drugs from your hair roots...yes, it was like when you’d eat ice cream too fast except all over your head…but it did actually help with the hair loss issue if you could stand it).

It was all finally starting to sink in it that, yes, I would be undergoing Chemotherapy and they wanted to start this Friday. Hmmmm. This Friday was actually Good Friday and I had planned on hosting an Easter Brunch on Sunday for all my friends who had supported me during my cancer episode. Starting Chemotherapy would definitely interfere with my little brunch plans. So I said to Dr. Jones, “How about Monday?” He responded, “Friday.” And I said again, “But what about Monday?” and we went through this Friday-Monday, Friday-Monday volley until he said with no small amount of exasperation, “What’s wrong with Friday?” My reply: “I’m busy.” In retrospect, I can’t believe I told the head of breast cancer research at Baylor Hospital “I’m busy” on the day he wanted me to start chemotherapy, but, I had plans and they were important. At that point the nurse intervened and said, “Well, it is Good Friday.” Dr. Jones very pointedly looked at me and sternly said, “Look, you’re 6 ½ weeks post surgery. We consider a rapidly growing cancer one where cells are dividing 7%. Yours were at 22(%). You need to get started on chemotherapy and you need to get started now.” With that I succumbed and agreed to begin chemotherapy on Friday. However, an interesting thing happened that I attribute to the concept of one of my favorite verses, Psalm 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

On Thursday morning I woke up with a terrible flu. Fever of 103 degrees, nausea (and what accompanies it), incredible weakness, achiness…it was worse than anything I experienced in the coming months of chemotherapy. I called Dr. Jones’ office and told them what was going on and I don’t know that they connected the dots but it felt like the response was, “Yeah, right…come in on Monday.” That flu bug was literally a 24 hour bug and I was able to host my little Easter Brunch after all (and just for the record, none of my friends got sick either).

My chemotherapy started the following Monday morning and in the scope of what many people experience, it was light weight. That’s not to say that it was any fun at all, it was not. I experienced the predicted nausea, some hair loss, hot flashes (yay! early menopause – it knocked out my reproductive system…but it came back so I got to look forward to doing the hot flashes thing all over again at some point in the future), and since the first dosage is a bit of a guessing game based on your height, weight and body composition, evidently they almost killed me because the nurse took one look at my blood levels after that first round and said, “Uh…we’re going to prescribe you some antibiotics.” According to my insurance billing, those antibiotics cost more than the chemotherapy pills. But, I was able to work throughout my treatments with the exception of the Fridays when I actually went in for the infusions.

During the middle of my chemotherapy, something happened that was a big surprise to my surgeon (not to mention me). A lump came up in the other breast. Because they did not want to cut into someone who had the chemotherapy drugs in their system I had to wait it out several weeks until I finished the full course and was able to have surgery to remove and analyze that second lump. This was the only time I remember really struggling with the whole cancer thing. I can remember sitting down on my bedroom floor with my Bible and strongly complaining (read: railing) to the Lord. “Why are you doing this now?!?” “I’ve trusted you through all this despite watching everything Karol went through and knowing that may be where I’m headed!” “I’ve done my best to live my faith and demonstrate that You are good and can be trusted.” “How can you do this to me when I’ve been such a good girl?” Note there are no statements of thankfulness for bringing me through everything so far or for the grace of the gift of life in general. But thankfully, God takes us how and where we are and I believe He wants us to be honest with Him. I also believe that’s what He wanted from me at the time. It felt like once I got all those feelings and emotions out He was saying, “Good, I just wanted you to be honest with me about where we are here.” With that, it was like His peace returned and continued.

That 2nd lump was removed after the completion of chemotherapy and thankfully was benign. Several weeks later I started the 5 ½ weeks (33 treatments) of radiation. Radiation was pretty much a non-event, except for 2 things. First, every day (Monday – Friday) I had to go to the radiation clinic at Baylor for my treatments. Sitting in that lobby were a lot of other cancer patients that were not fairing so well, some of them were clearly dying. It was a big reality check that this thing was serious and a little depressing to know that could be me one of these days, too. Secondly, I began to feel a bit ‘a-sexual’. It can do a number on your female psyche to have male nurses and doctors working on a portion of your body that is so representative of your sexuality with such professional distance. Don’t get me wrong, they were incredibly appropriate in administering the radiation, and, I began to feel a bit like a genderless piece of meat.

Thankfully, I survived all of that and have been blessed with a very full life since. I was so blessed by the support of family and friends. My parents drove to be here for all the chemotherapy treatments. A friend read in a woman’s magazine that results are better for people on chemotherapy who have a consistent person with them for all the treatments…so she took off work each time I had a treatment so she could be there with me. A couple of funny things that happened during my treatments illustrated God’s sense of humor and the many gifts associated with sharing what is going on in our lives with others. I mentioned at the beginning that early on I elected to ‘handle it’ without bothering a lot of other people. My mother had other ideas. She had already lost one daughter to cancer and was going to do everything she could not to repeat that experience. Seems she told everyone she knew and asked them to put me on what felt like every prayer chain in the state of Texas and probably a few other states as well. I began receiving the sweetest cards from people I had never met that were praying for me. It was tremendously encouraging and uplifting to know these complete strangers (but brothers and sisters in Christ) were actively praying for me. The second situation happened at Delta. We really hadn’t shared much of what was going on with me except with the management staff in Dallas and those I’d worked with in Atlanta, but I knew word would travel. And it did, but a lot more quickly and purposefully than I expected. At one point I suddenly started receiving cards from people in different parts of the country that I had worked with over the years. One day as I was reflecting on a particular card from a friend I had worked with many years before I realized the wording in her card had said, “I was sorry to READ about…” READ. It wasn’t word of mouth; something had gone out in print. I called my boss and asked her about it and she humbly apologized for what had happened. She explained that it is standard procedure to send a teletype (this was before email) to the President’s office in such situations so the President could know to send the employee flowers (and I did get some nice flowers from “Ron Allen and the Board of Directors”). However, in my case, the person who sent the teletype message accidentally used the address for all the bulletin boards in every airport in the country. There was a teletype message posted on airports bulletin boards across the US stating, “Sandy Setliff is at home recuperating from chemotherapy.” So much for keeping it under wraps and ‘handling it.’ God had other ideas and it was a great lesson on the value and benefit of bearing one another’s burdens…or in this case, allowing others to help bear mine.

Here’s the amazing point of this story (if you haven’t already figured it out) and why President’s Day is so significant to me: When the original lump was removed, Dr. Hale said it appeared that it was starting to break out on one border. There were 22% of cells dividing, which is 3 times the rate of what is considered to be an aggressive cancer (7%). If Delta Air Lines had not provided employees the President’s Day holiday, and had my OB-Gyn’s office not been open, if Dr. Hale hadn’t checked her surgery schedule and learned she had a cancellation, any of those things and I probably would have waited several weeks to get that lump checked out. With those cells dividing at 3 times the rate of an aggressive cancer and the border looking compromised, God only knows what that outcome would have been had I not been off work on President’s Day. But clearly He had other plans and President’s Day was part of those plans.

So, on this day 25 years later, I am thankful. Very thankful.

I can't read this story without tears and some spontaneous laughter, too.  Our family walked two very different paths of the cancer story, and we know well that God has His redemptive purposes in both.  If you're dealing with cancer yourself, or love someone who has or is walking with it now, my prayer for you is that God's presence is as abundantly clear for you as it was for my sister.

Sentimental Over Art

Recently I happened to see an ad in a hotel magazine advertising that our favorite artist was having a local gallery showing.  We've loved Dale Terbush's art ever since we stumbled upon his work in a beautiful art gallery in Santa Fe year and years ago.  Based on his biographic details, I think that Sante Fe gallery may have been among his earliest showings.  The gallery was set up with dimmer lights on each piece, so you could turn the lighting on the paintings up and down and watch the light in the painting dim and glow.  It was like making the sun go up and come down in every picture.  Each piece was beyond lovely, but we especially fell in love with this one, which has been over our fireplace ever since.

We bought a signed print, for which I seem to remember we paid hundreds of dollars, but when I pulled out the receipt I laughed to see that we paid a whopping $57.64.  That was a lot of money back in the early marriage years, which makes the print all the more a treasure for us.

I was delighted when I heard that the very same Dale Terbush was having a local art showing.  I thought it would be a sentimental Valentine's date, so that was my request for Valentine's Day.

Not to be outdone, LtDan opted to book us a room at the Omni Mandalay hotel (I wrote about this world class hotel here ... we decided it's our favorite DFW hotel) and we had a lovely dinner and night out on the town on Valentine's Eve.  Our room overlooked the Mandalay Canal, and we watched gondolas ferry couples across the water, no doubt on romantic Valentines dates themselves.

We had a dreamy dinner at Trevi's, where the culinary staff worked hearts and exquisite flavor into every course.

Sunday afternoon we browsed the Southwest Gallery.  This gallery is warm and welcoming, and not a place where you feel intimidated by all the high brow art.  Not surprisingly, a lot of what's offered has a southwestern flair.

The art experience begins in the parking lot, which is surrounded by exuberant and lively sculptures.  I wanted to take the gardening lady home with me.  

Inside the gallery are paintings, sculptures, and jewelry.

The piece below is called Ex Nihilo (Out of Nothing) and is a piece over a cathedral door.  The artist is the same one who did the sculpture of the three VietNam soldiers at the VietNam War Memorial in Washington, D.C.

The paintings were grouped in collections by artist, and I'm embarrassed to say I didn't note names to give credit where credit is very much due, but you can see some of them in the pictures.  It was wonderful to stand and take in all the beauty.

I loved all the bright and happy colors of this artist!

This was one of my favorites ...

We were so excited to see Dale Terbush's art displayed; it's as beautiful as we remembered it and each piece draws you in to be contemplated and experienced.  I was so busy enjoying the artwork, I didn't take many pictures of his paintings.  

 It's impossible to do justice to these paintings with a photograph, let me assure you.  We were happy to see Mr. Terbush has definitely not lost his talent since our first exposure to him more than twenty years ago.  Our $57.64 was definitely well spent :o)

If you're in the DFW area and want to explore the Southwestern Gallery, see their website }here{.  It's a beautiful way to spend a few hours!

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of the Best Bread Pudding: Apple Dumpling French Toast Bake

Years ago LtDan and I went Sunday driving after church and ended up in the Waxahachie town square.  There was only one diner open that Sunday afternoon and we entered through the screen door and had a delightful home cooked meal, but what I will never forget was dessert.  It was my first ever Bread Pudding and I only ordered it after a glowing recommendation from our waitress.  At the time, it was my strong opinion that desserts without "chocolate" somewhere in the name weren't worthy of a place on the dessert menu.  How in the world could plain bread be made into a satisfying dessert?

WELL ... this Bread Pudding forever changed my mind - it needed no chocolate to make it memorably delicious.  It was warm and spicy and cinnamony and the perfect blend of comfort and sweet.  It was so good that I'm still looking for a Bread Pudding that rivals it more than 25 years later.  Thus far, I haven't found one that comes close, although I'm enjoying looking for it :o)

With the New Year, I decided to bring the quest into my own kitchen - learning how to make the Best Bread Pudding is on my list of New Years Resolutions ... a slightly surprising goal since I don't really like to cook (but I try).  I found a recipe from Betty Crocker that sounded yummy and made it for dessert at our weekly family dinner.

image via BettyCrocker.com

Apple Dumpling French Toast Bake
via BettyCrocker.com, recipe by Susan Shetzel

Ingredients

2 Granny Smith apples, diced
2/3 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla
12 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground ginger
5 eggs
1 cup milk
1/2 cup Original Bisquick mix
6 small croissants, torn into bite-size pieces

Directions

1.  Heat oven to 350.  Spray 13x9-inch baking dish with baking spray.  Set aside.

2.  In a 10-inch skillet, saute apples with sugars until apples are tender and sugar is caramelized.  Add vanilla and stir.  Remove from heat.

3.  While apples are cooking, mix butter with cinnamon and ginger in a small bowl.

4.  In a large bowl, beat eggs and milk.  Beat in Bisquick mix and butter mixture with whisk.  Add in pieces of croissant; allow them to soak while apples cook.

5.  When apples are ready, add apple mixture to soaking croissants.  Stir to combine.  Pour into baking dish.

6.  Bake 45 minutes.  Serve hot.



Instead of dicing the apples, I used my HandiChopper to chop them very small, since some people at my table look upon fruit with distaste.  That did the trick - there was no side-eye.  The entire dish was completely gone by noon the next day ... it was definitely a hit!

I loved this recipe - the buttery croissants were dreamy, and I liked how the Bisquick filled in and around everything.  It was also easy to make, which is on my list of criteria for any recipe I try.  I will definitely make this again, and although it was delicious, it didn't quite take me back to the town square, so my resolution is yet to be complete.

The pursuit has only just begun, it seems, but I think we're up for the chase.  If you have a great Bread Pudding recipe, please share!

The Discipline of Intentional Preparation

Years ago, we were part of a small group that shared dinner together at a different home once a month.  One night, we arrived at the host house only to knock at the door and stand dejectedly on the front porch while a VERY LOUD argument about who should make the coffee made its way from the back of the house to the front.  Quickly, we knocked even louder, in hopes that they'd hear us, answer the door and pretend nothing was wrong.  Because that's what you do, right?  Alas, they were so occupied with World War III that they couldn't hear us knocking, and we decided to slink back to the car and drive around the block.  We "arrived" again a few minutes later, to a  happy and loving couple - the crisis apparently averted.  I never did find out who finally made the coffee :o)

Ah, yes, the pre-party meltdown.  We are well-acquainted.

Historically, I've been a leave it to the last minute person, and I tried to claim the "some people work best under pressure" mantra, although the stress of coming in right under the wire always seemed to invalidate the argument.  I convinced myself that daily life kept me so busy that I didn't have time to prepare for the extras prior to the wee hours of the night before, and although my final preparations may have often been last minute, I managed to pull things together fairly consistently. (Most of the time.  I think.  If you know me and this is not the case, please break it to me gently.)

Prep time was habitually discounted in my world, and never factored in appropriately - it happened late, and always with gross underestimation of the time required.  Feeling squeezed, pressured, and frenetic, my focus fell on the ANTI-thrill of will-I-or-won't-I pull it together, and worst of all I was robbed of anticipating the pleasure of whatever I was preparing for.

The impact ran pretty deep.  It left me feeling depleted and exhausted before the good stuff even happened, and could crack open an unlovely and not-so-generous place in my heart.

It turns out that preparation is the antidote.

Last year I finally decided I was getting a little old for this day-before stress and pressure, and I determined to learn the discipline of scheduling prep time for recurring tasks a few days in advance.  For example, my lesson plans for next week are finalized on Tuesday afternoon, which circumvents the frenzied Monday morning scramble to get it all together before (sometimes after) the kids get up for school.  The final preparations for Friday Enrichment classes are done on Tuesday and Wednesday, lending Thursday evening a luxuriant spaciousness.  Last summer, I applied the prepare in advance concept to vacation prep, wherein I spread all the gathering of clothes for a family of six and washing and folding and packing and cleaning over four days, and we were packed two days before departure, a never before in history event of epic proportions.

It's a lesson I'm trying to push into other areas of my life, this scheduled and purposeful preparation.  It helps me feel grounded and grown up.  It makes the days longer and rhythmic.  Yes, there is still a mountain of things to do, but there is plenty of time when I don't deny there's a multitude of tasks, schedule them out and keep to the plan.

Karen Mains, in her book Open Heart-Open Home says, "Hard work indicates I'm not managing my time well, not planning or preparing ahead, doing too much, not being dependent on the the Lord's strength, but on my own."  Yes, my own strength has me frazzled and frenzied, chasing the mess into the master bedroom before guests arrive.  Leaning on the strength of the God of Order has me grounded in reality, planning and preparing.  Sometimes, it has me facing the fact that I can't do everything, and editing the list down to manageable.  And best of all, I enjoy the preparation and have the pleasure of genuine anticipation.

I talk like I've got this thing down, but in reality I know my grip on it is a little more tenuous than it is disciplined.  Somewhere down the orderly line of days on the calendar, I'll reach that point where I'll have had ENOUGH with all the discipline and will be powerless to do anything but ignore the to-do list for a little while.  I suspect it's possible that the discipline of intentional preparation can be applied to that part, too.  I'll let you know :o)